Luckily, during my Science class today I realized exactly what was wrong. There's just too much talking. Now, that's not always a bad thing -- sometimes much talking is good. Sometimes I'm just thrilled when I can't get the characters to shut up. But this isn't a very talky storyline. It's been getting more so, sure; every 'year' has a little more dialogue than the one before. But the way things were going in '08... it was becoming a veritable banquet of conversation. And way too much time was passing 'on screen'. Oddly enough, the fic as it stands is just too fluid. It needs to be choppier, clunkier, more tell-not-show.
Oh dear me, what would my creative writing teacher say? ;)
Anyway, that's my goal for spring break... finish up this mother once and for all. In a nice, choppy, chunky way.