Alli Snow (allisnow) wrote,
Alli Snow

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"As you all know," Bush told the press assembled on the White House lawn, "Terrorists are trying to use explosive liquids to kill people. Thus, for security purposes, it is required that all you reporters empty your bladders before meeting with me for questions. If any of you are caught peeing during this press conference, this guy over here will shoot you." Bush pointed to a nearby Marine.

"Mr. President," said one reporter, "why are you standing on a pile of dead terrorists? Is that supposed to be symbolic of something?"

"Yes, it's symbolic of how my administration has killed many many terrorists and will kill many more. I want terrorists to know that we will kill them, and then I'll stand on your dead body and answer questions from moron reporters. That's right, with me, you get results... results we can stand on. Thus, Republicans tower over Democrats because we look down upon from our large piles of dead terrorists while Democrats have no dead terrorists to stand on. Hell, them Democrats never killed nobody. But look under my feet; these people are dead because of my policies. That's results. It may not smell nice, but hard work isn't always pretty."

Why isn't the pile larger?" asked the FOX News reporter.

"Well... it ain't like it's all the terrorists we killed... it just symbolic of how many we killed." Bush turned stern. "Now stop being so critical, FOX News. You just recite the talking points we send you each day and then we'll lend you our dead terrorists for those fluff pieces you do. Next question."

"With the growing price of gas--"

"Why are you asking me about gas prices!" Bush asked angrily. "Can't you see I'm standing on top of a pile of dead terrorists? I am mighty! Ask me good questions about killing terrorists!"

"Are you worried that standing on a pile of dead terrorists could be interpreted by some as being offensive to Muslims?"

"Well, this organization CAIR raised that concern... but then I found out that those guys are Islamic and had them arrested for being fascists. Any more questions? And remember to speak up because I'm way up here on top of a pile of dead terrorists."

"Are you going to support the Republican candidate in the Senate race in Connecticut?"

"Why are you asking about Connecticut?" Bush shouted. "Are you not noticing this huge pile of terrorists I'm standing on? Who cares about Connecticut? Americans care about dead terrorists. Now, some one give me a good question."

"How are you going to get all those dead bodies off the White House lawn?"
Tags: blogs, wwiii

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