"Once upon a time, there was a girl named Sydney and she was a grad student by day and a spy by night. She had a roommate named Francie and a best friend named Will and a fiance named Danny and she thought she worked for the CIA, but she really worked for SD-6 and a sadistic little prick named Arvin Sloane. Her daddy worked for him too, but he really worked for the CIA. So then Sydney started working for the CIA too, and became a double agent. Her handler was a hot guy named Vaughn. Then a lot of shit happened. And her mommy came back from "the dead" and it was awesome. And Sydney and Vaughn made out and IT was awesome. And then Sydney went to sleep for two years and it was not awesome. Especially after Vaughn married some bitch. Then a lot more shit happened and it wasn't all that interesting until the bitch got shot and Vaughn told us his name was Andre Michaux and then he died but really didn't, and along the way there were bad guys who always seemed to have a "The" in their names and some dude named Rambaldi who made a lot of crap that seemed to have no purpose other than to really irritate us every damn week."