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Totally True Tidbits About Australia

Taken ever so shamelessly from IMAO:

* Australia is sometimes referred to as the "island continent". This is not exactly true, as it is actually connected to Asia by a series of underwater tunnels constructed by Aquaman prior to starting his so-called crime-fighting "career".

* Australia was originally a British penal colony for exiled thieves and murderers. It is not to be confused with France, which was originally a British penal colony for the cowardly and annoying.

* Australia eventually outgrew its shady past and evolved into a modern civilized nation. France has yet to make that particular leap.

* The basic unit of Australian currency is giant cans of beer, which explains why Australian men have gargantuan arm muscles.

* Australia is known for its vast, wooly herds of opals.

* It's also known for its many sheep mining operations.

* The kangaroo is a pouched marsupial native to Australia. Most women own them for storage purposes, since purses are illegal in Australia.

* Rabbits are considered a pest in Australia. Although somewhat cute and fuzzy, they tend to wander the country in packs, destroying everything in sight, and pooping everywhere with no respect for property rights, much like American hippies.

* The central portion of Australia is a dry, barren wasteland containing nothing of interest. Think of it as the real-world equivalent of an "Air America" broadcast day.

* The Prime Minister of Australia is John Howard, and not, as most Americans assume, Steve Irwin. The confusion IS understandable, since Howard keeps a pair of crocodiles chained to the throne of terrorist skulls upon which he sits.

* Contrary to a popular American stereotype, most Australians do NOT wear hats decorated with crocodile teeth, or sell Subarus. That was just a phase Paul Hogan went through before he found Goth.

* Dingoes are wild dogs native to Australia, and shouldn't be confused with Ding-Dongs, which have less hair, and more cream filling.

* Koala bears, also native to Australia, may look cute and cuddly,but they are actually very dangerous. If you see one, don't make any sudden moves - just give him your wallet and hope he doesn't hurt you.

* Australians are strong, loyal, trustworthy, and fierce fighters. If for some unimaginable reason you don't own a gun, consider carrying an Australian in your holster instead.

* A platypus is an odd-looking creature that appears to be a cross between a duck and a beaver. They live primarily in water to confuse biologists.

* Ayers' Rock is an incredibly huge rock that... well... it... um...that is... er... uh... anyway, it's really big, so don't make it angry.

* But the best thing about Australians is that they have a great sense of humor. Even if some stupid American comes along and pokes a little good-natured fun at them they'll just laugh and [WHACK!] OW! MY NOSE!

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It's the chorus of a song on an album of songs about Australian animals that my kids have. It's really not that bad.

*edges closer*