You Know You're From California When...
The fastest part of your commute is down your driveway.
Heheh. Pretty much.
You were born somewhere else.
Nope, I'm a native.
You know how to eat an artichoke.
The primary bugs that you worry about are electronic.
Your car has bullet-proof windows.
Left is right and right is wrong.
Not in my house!
Your monthly house payments exceed your annual income.
Not yet, thank God.
You can't find your other earring because your [brother] is wearing it.
Oh, he would never even consider it.
You drive to your neighborhood block party.
Your family tree contains "significant others."
You don't exterminate your roaches, you smoke them.
You see 25 lawyers chasing an ambulance.
Wouldn't surprise me.
More than clothes come out of the closets.
Yes. My shoes.
You go to a tanning salon before going to the beach.
Never been to a salon, don't care for the beach.
More money is spent on facelifts than on diapers.
I don't know anyone who's gotten cosmetic surgery
Smoking in your office is not optional.
Smoking indoors? Surely you jest.
You pack shorts and a T-shirt for skiing in the snow, and a sweater and a wetsuit for the beach.
Um, not really anything I have experience with.
When you can't schedule a meeting because you must "do lunch."
Never "done lunch".
Your children learn to walk in Birkenstocks.
*makes a face*
Rainstorms or thunder are the lead story for the local news.
You'll reluctantly miss yoga class to wait for the hot tub repairman.
Don't take yoga, don't have a hot tub.
You consult your horoscope before planning your day.
Horoscopes are for entertainment.
A glass has been reserved for you at your favorite winery.
All highways into the state say: "no fruits."
"We're full up."
All highways out of the state say: "Go back."
"Unless you're a fruit."
The Terminator is your governor
You can't remember . . . is pot illegal?
It's barely sprinkling rain and there's a report on every news station: "STORM WATCH"
This is a repeat, but yeah.
You actually get these jokes and pass them on to other friends from California.
That was pretty lame.