March 21st, 2007

etc // stop global whining

Gore Tells Congressional Panel: I Don’t Exhale (http://www.scrappleface.com/)

(2007-03-21) — Oscar-winning filmmaker Al Gore, testifying Wednesday before a Congressional panel on global warming, revealed a little-known technique he has used for years to reduce his personal greenhouse gas emissions.

“I don’t exhale, and I haven’t since about 1991,” said the full-figured Mr. Gore. “Science shows there’s nothing wrong with humans breathing per se, it’s just the exhaling of carbon dioxide that threatens to bring our world to a premature, fiery, water-drenched apocalyptic end.”

Mr. Gore, still a Democrat party favorite to win the White House in the year 2000, said he also reduces his so-called “carbon footprint” by giving speeches and making movies to convince other people to cut their greenhouse gas production, thereby offsetting the emissions generated by his own global travel in private jets as well as SUVs and limousines.

“Leveraging the small efforts of millions of ordinary people is a very democratic way of achieving carbon-neutrality,” Mr. Gore said.

Gore Tells Congressional Panel: I Don’t Exhale“It’s a team effort,” he added, while displaying a Powerpoint slide of the acronym: TEAM = Together Everyone Atones for Me.
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*screams in horror*

Apparently I am not getting my memos again. There is a new Nancy Drew movie coming out in 07 and it looks lamer than lame. I mean, okay, Nancy was pretty lame herself. But this is a whole new dimension of lame that should not be touched upon. Nancy might be kind of dorky to those of us who were children after 1960, but she's not actually a dork.

SHE'S ALSO 18 AND "TITAN-HAIRED" AND BLUE-EYED, YOU LOSERS! She is not Julia Roberts' teenybopper clone!
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