etc // happy coffee

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters (Unrated)

Okay I'm live-blogging this for reasons I can't fully explain to myself.

I really wanted the first scene in town to turn into a parody of the witch trial scene in Holy Grail. And maybe it was, in a more subtle way. I was thinking something more along the lines of she turned me into a newt!

I do appreciate how everyone has accents but H & G.

I just realized that the witches in this movie kind of remind me of the Wraith from SGA.

Ah, I see the steampunk has arrived!

Jean Grey!

Okay I guess some of these guys don't have accents either. I stand corrected.

Poor Hansel. He can't get a girl even with his thrilling stories about witch pee.

No accent on the fanboy either.

"That was awesome." Yup, fanboy.

Hansel sleeping under the bed always cracks me up.

He is not smooth with the ladies. <3

"You have, uh, my pumpkin."

I like that the fight scenes in this movie actually look like they HURT.

"Damn you!?" "Too late... already damned!"

"Are you a good shot?" "No. Not really. That why I use shotgun."

The alternate title of this movie was "Hansel Gets Dragged Around By Witches."

Hello again pervy fanboy.

Three Bears references? Really?

You're going to ask a guy unconcious upside down in a tree if he's alright?

Yup. All of Hansel's stories have to do with killing witches.

Well, no Renner butt shot. I has a sad.

Hansel and Gretel's relationship makes me somewhat giggly and somewhat uncomfortable.

Sure, Han, blow the witch's head off right in front of the kids, like they aren't screwed up enough.

Troll defibrilation!

"Whatever you do, don't eat the fuckin' candy." Possibly the best line of any movie anywhere. *nods*

Poor Mina, or whatever her name was.

The Grand High Witch fighting with a shovel?

I really want The Adventures of Hansel, Gretel, Ben and Edward.

Oh, movie.
This movie was so much freaking fun. It KNEW it was poking fun at the whole concept and genre, and that's why it worked.

In the theatrical release the scene with Hansel chatting up the barmaid was cut; my guess is they wanted to make him less of a horndog so that his seduction by Mina was sweeter, more "awwww, virgin!Hansel."
Yeah, that was the biggest 'new' part I noticed. I didn't think it made him look like a horndog... if anything, he reminded me of those guys that can't do anything but talk about their jobs, which was... strangely endearing. I like that they didn't go for the trope of having the leading man be a, well, ladies man.
Stares unblinkingly at her pristine BluRay of H&G, acquired in last night's supermarket run. Friday is family movie night. With friends.

Tonight, the kiddies will be introduced to GORE.
LOL, somehow watching it a second time, it seemed less gory. Maybe because I wasn't watching as closely, or on a big-ass screen, or maybe because I knew what was coming. It seemed that there were also fewer bleep-able words than I remembered.
Dammit, why no Renner butt???

I know, right? I bet it would have grossed a lot more in theaters... ;)