movie // avengers // your face

Hansel and Gretel: Witch Hunters

Oh sweet baby Jesus.

Do you hear that sound?

...

Do you know what it is?

That, my friends, is the sound of a crapload of incest fic being written.

My mostly-spoiler free review: It actually wasn't horrible.

Two guys bought their tickets right after me and I heard this exchange with the ticket-taker.

Ticket Taker: Oh, Hansel and Gretel, I think I'm going to see that.
Man 1: It's not supposed to be that good.
Ticket Taker: Then why are you seeing it?
Man 2: Because we're gluttons for punishment.

(When they came into the theater, there were 3 people there, including me. They proceeded to sit right behind me. This makes them assholes, just in case you were wondering.)

Anyway, the movie. For the most part, it was exactly what I expected. Cornball gratuitous violence with a lot of VFX and wacky makeup. A half-hearted attempt at character development. It wasn't quite as self-aware as I might have liked, but it at least seemed like a lot of the corny dialog was played for laughs. The f-bombs weren't as rampant as I had assumed they'd be. The VFX weren't horrendous. I'm still not quite sure what anyone involved in this movie was thinking, but it was a harmless hour and a half romp.

Oh, something else I appreciated: after one early scene, there was a merciful lack of parkour crap. AND pretty much everyone got the crap beat out of them. I hate fight scenes where the good guys never seem to fall or get dirty or bloody.

Speaking of dirty and bloody, is it wrong that somehow shirtless Renner is even more delicious when covered in scars and bruises and whatnot? If so, that's just my cross to bear, isn't it?

Now, if you'll excuse me, I'm going to go back to sobbing disconsolately over a cartoon character.
  • Current Mood: hungry hungry
Heh, I have a weakness for terrible action movies (I actually enjoyed Van Helsing and Battleship, awful as they are), so I'm looking forward to this!
It's was definitely a brainless popcorn flick, but, you know, there's a place and time for everything :)
Speaking of dirty and bloody, is it wrong that somehow shirtless Renner is even more delicious when covered in scars and bruises and whatnot?

Yes, it is very, very wrong. You have real problems, girl ...

brb, trying to find pictures of it online.
Sounds just like what I was expecting. Especially excited by thoughts of whumped, shirtless Renner... I share your burden.

Now I just have to decide if 10am is too early for popcorn.
Oh, something else I appreciated: after one early scene, there was a merciful lack of parkour crap. AND pretty much everyone got the crap beat out of them. I hate fight scenes where the good guys never seem to fall or get dirty or bloody.

Yep. I really liked how in the fight scenes, especially the early ones, it didn't seem automatic that our heroes would win.

Speaking of dirty and bloody, is it wrong that somehow shirtless Renner is even more delicious when covered in scars and bruises and whatnot? If so, that's just my cross to bear, isn't it?

You are not alone. I was just drooling over Hansel's scars in the river scene.