Alli Snow (allisnow) wrote,
Alli Snow
allisnow

  • Mood:

Ala Hot Air: New Emotion Chip "Working Perfect

PORTSMOUTH, NH (AP) - Campaigning in New Hampshire one day before the first-in-the-nation primary, Senator Hillary Clinton got emotional and had tears in her eyes as she spoke with voters about how hard it is to balance a busy campaign life and her passion for the country's future. Clinton's handlers say her new Emoticon 7000 bio-implant computer chip has finally allowed the presidential candidate to flawlessly mimic actual human emotions.

404 - Emotion Not Found

"This is a real breakthrough," said Jay Carson, the man responsible for Clinton's cybernetic enhancements. "It's been a VERY difficult campaign. The first chip - an Emoticon 3000 - was a total bust. She'd start cackling laughter for absolutely no reason or even at completely inappropriate times. One time some guy told her about how his wife died because his insurance company wouln't pay for her chemo and he hoped Hillary would fix the health care system so that would never happen again. That goofy cow just started braying & guffawing like Homer Simpson watching someone take a football in the groin. We yanked the chip that night."

"The Emoticon 5000 wasn't much better. She wasn't laughing all the time, but on the other hand she was getting out-of-control angry. Some of that came through in recent debates, but it was worse backstage. A lot worse. Like plucking-out-staffer's-eyeballs worse."

"Seems that the 5000 was running Windows Vista, and those who've used it will confirm that eye-plucking rage is a common side effect of the software."

Tags: blogs, politics
Subscribe
  • Post a new comment

    Error

    Anonymous comments are disabled in this journal

    default userpic

    Your reply will be screened

    Your IP address will be recorded 

  • 0 comments