etc // the man // i'm on a horse

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Just back from seeing The Hobbit 2: The Empire Strikes Back, or whatever it was called.

I kid, I kid. Yes, I mostly saw it to kill time. No, I'm not much of a fan of hobbits, dwarves or dragons. I've actually yearned for a Frodo-free version of the LOTR movies. But I've seen all other movies and it was something to do...

Anyhoo.

I actually listened to LOTR on audiobook, but thinking back I'm not positive I actually finished ROTK.

So as I might have implied, I've always found Frodo to be a shrimpy annoying git, and it kind of turned me off hobbits. But Bilbo... it seems like he does less stupid stuff, and he cries a whole lot less, and he hardly ever gets that I'm Constipated expression on his face, and no one has to carry him around like a load of laundry. He may in fact redeem hobbits for me.

I still think that making Richard Armitage a dwarf is a criminal underuse of Richard Armitage's considerable hawtness.

Kili you adorable dope.

I could practically hear the MST3K/Rifftrax guys during the scenes with Legolas and Tauriel. Especially the fight scene in Lake-Town. "Oh you son of a bitch. You made me bleed. I AM TOO PRETTY TO BLEED."

Speaking of elves, LEGOLAS, YO DADDY IS CRAY-CRAY.

Speaking of Thranduil, I never would have recognized Lee Pace from Pushing Daisies.

Oh, and Luke Evans as Bard so resembled Orlando Bloom as Will Turner that it kind of threw me out of the story.

My dragon issues: I know a lot of people who love dragons. Me, if I'm looking at fantasy novels and there's a dragon on the cover, I probably will avoid that one. They just don't do anything for me. (Unless they're named Toothless. OMG I LOVE YOU TOOTHLESS.) I generally find them neither awe-inspiring nor scary. But Smaug freaked me out a little bit, I'll admit. The CGI was pretty nice, and the way they showed his movements... I guess more than anything it reminded me of the feeling I got seeing the velociraptors from Jurassic Park when I was 11.

Legolas seeing the picture in the locket... the whole theater cracked up.

The end of the movie... the whole theater groaned loudly.

Finally, I don't understand why they didn't just ask the giant eagles from the end of the last movie to fly them to the Lonely Mountain. It just seems like it would have saved a lot of trouble.
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Tolkien was great. The problem was, so many people wanted to write just like him and copied his stuff but weren't nearly as good. Which is to say, Smaug the dragon was one of the reasons dragons are so popular today; like Tolkien's elves, Tolkien's take on dragons kind of solidified into pop culture as the Platonic Form of a dragon. But you're right, there are very few books that do dragons justice in the way that Smaug did.

Bilbo and Frodo are very different Hobbits having very different adventures. Frodo may not be to your taste, but if you were carrying around all the evil in the world in your pocket I daresay you might be a little whiny too. Bilbo is a much more lighthearted hobbit on a much less serious quest. Frodo is off to Save The World; Bilbo is off to steal some treasure. (Don't let the movies fool you; they're all about "let us regain our tragically lost homeland!" because it's more emo and dramatic and fits in better with the tone of LotR. The book itself is "we're dwarves, we love our gold; there's a whole shit-pot of loot in that mountain if we can only get rid of the dragon. Let's go!")
To be fair, I can't even say that it was bad experiences with dragons in my formative years that put me off them. I just see a dragon and I think, 'meh.' ;)

And I know that Frodo had every reason to be the Emo Monster, and my sympathy for him lasted about a movie and a half. By the time he and Sam got to Mount Doom, I wouldn't have felt too badly if he'd had to heroically sacrifice himself or something.